By Katie Metcalf
Memior of fight with anorexia
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Additional info for Anorexia
I was told, and I now knew, that it was me, and only me who could change things. I was the one who had to do the eating and ignore the voice in my head. Nobody else could do that for me. Nobody could reach inside my mind and pull anorexia out by its thin tail. No one else could wave a magic wand and make the voice vanish. I knew then that if I didn’t start eating more and put on weight, I’d be in hospital for a very, very long time. I was absolutely petrified of change and knew for a certainty that I would keep delaying my decision.
There was also a large garden, surrounded by a high wooden fence, which reminded me of a prison yard, as there was nothing there except grass and an old, miserable-looking tree standing in the centre. Beyond the hospital was an enormous cemetery, which made the place seem all the more depressing and morbid. It was also a dark reminder of where, if I continued to lose weight, I would end up. Connected to the unit, situated near to the psychologists’ and doctors’ offices, was the ‘School’, where I would spend many an 37 ‘inventive’ half an hour as I got stronger, creating cross-stitch and writing poetry.
That’s NEVER going to happen to me. I’m never going to deprive myself of things that I enjoy. ” How wrong was I? I couldn’t believe that I had let a New Year’s Resolution get so out of hand. I felt so stupid. I really didn’t want to be admitted, but I realised that it was for the best. I was making my entire family’s life a living hell, as well as my own, and my family could no longer cope. Neither could I. Christmas Day went relatively well. I tried my hardest not to start or get into any arguments with my family.
Anorexia by Katie Metcalf