By John Zakour
John Zakour is a humor author with a Master's measure in Human habit. He writes the syndicated comedian "Working Daze" and has written a SF trilogy for Daw books. John is living in Geneva, ny.
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Additional resources for A Man's Guide to Pregnancy: How to live with a Pregnant Person (and get out of it alive)
So if you like your sleep, it’s best to encourage your wife to breast-feed for as long as possible. You can also look at this time of life as your chance to watch all those TV shows you like but your wife doesn’t. You know, the ones with violence and bikinis and such. Your wife will be so busy taking care of the baby she won’t even have time to think about complaining about what you are watching. Finally, you should remember that this “just-had-a-baby stage” won’t last too long—a few years tops.
37 Top 10 things to do during the birth This is handy top 10 list for you to remember what to do while your baby is being born. You can use this as a reference card. 10) Wipe your wife’s brow. Believe it or not, having a baby is quite a workout and she’ll work up a little sweat. ” “Doctor, you do accept our insurance. ” 8) Tell a joke. If your wife doesn’t kill you it will help ease the tension. ” Most wives hardly ever follow up on these threats. 6) Keep looking your wife in the eyes—eye contact is reassuring and not nearly as icky as looking lower.
Then the cervix needs to dilate, or, in less technical terms, spread apart or slowly expand so a baby can fit through it. Due date: the one date you can be pretty certain your baby won’t arrive on. Fainting: what happens if you look too closely at the right place at the wrong time. Football: something that, when watched in large enough quantities, often prevents pregnancies. Actually, it often even prevents attempts at pregnancies. Gynecologist: a doctor who gets paid to look at things that would get you arrested if you tried to look at them.
A Man's Guide to Pregnancy: How to live with a Pregnant Person (and get out of it alive) by John Zakour